Breitbart.tv » Self-Proclaimed Vampire Brings Out Seattle SWAT

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Breitbart.tv » Self-Proclaimed Vampire Brings Out Seattle SWAT

Vampires..... a truly confusing being of the underworld. Did they not come to the realization that feeding on animal blood is far more conducive to acting on their guilty pleasures consisting of seducing innocent high school girls and playing baseball? Think about it like this. If you were a vampire and desperate enough to expose yourself in broad daylight to feed on humans, where would you go to feed? I for one would not head down to the Union Gospel Mission to get my grub on! Did it not cross this vampires mind that the Union Gospel Mission probably has a holy cross or two lying around?

Assuming he is that desperate, here is my problem.

Your a fucking vampire idiot! You don't ask to eat humans! You get in, grab that neck, suck blood like a fucking chupacabra, and bounce like Nick Cage in Gone in 60 Seconds. Your not polite about it as humans aren't likely to oblige you. Plus, you really don't have all day to negotiate with humans when hot ass high school girls all full of teen angst and raging hormones get out at like 3:30pm. Not to mention that most high schools have open campus policies for lunch periods.

Second, why go all suicide bomber? Again, your a fucking vampire! Perhaps even more important is the fact that if that IED were real, blowing yourself up does not help you participate in the guilty pleasures of seducing high school girls and playing baseball. Are there 72 virgins in hell waiting for you to seduce and feed on? Perhaps an even more important than my previous more important is to ask if your working with Al Qaeda? I doubt, as many of those guys are engineer types and your whole lets dine at the Union Gospel Mission proves your not remotely smart or possess any common sense.

Lastly, for those familiar with my affinity with the word skiboski, this vampire epitomizes a skiboski. He will be added to the definition post. So, with my Bud held high, here is to you mister skiboski-vampire-high school girl seducing-baseball playing-bolo-suicide bomber, but your no Edward Cullen.